How To Communicate With Your ADHD Partner

Having an ADHD partner can be challenging at times. It doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed or that either of you has to deal with constant frustration. 

The best thing you can do for yourself and your partner is to understand what ADHD really is and how it could impact your relationship. Your partner might have trouble concentrating on tasks they do not find particularly interesting. They might forget important dates, events, or even something you told them last week. Their impulsiveness or seemingly absentminded behavior could wear on you sometimes. 

It’s important to understand that these characteristics result from their condition. Instead of allowing them to get to you, choose to find ways to communicate effectively. 

Communicate Like a Partner

ADHD is often referred to and thought of as a children’s condition. It’s true that it’s typically diagnosed in childhood but, those kids grow up! Adult ADHD can take a toll on someone’s overall quality of life, and it’s not uncommon for adults who deal with it to feel guilty about some of their challenges despite it coming with a variety of strengths too. 

Keep in mind that even if ADHD is often associated with children, your partner isn’t your child. You’re not their parent, and they don’t need you to try to control them. If you do, they’re likely to feel resentment and shame. 

Instead, remember that you’re a team. Offer encouragement instead of lecturing them on the things they should do. The more you work through things together, the easier it will be for you to understand your partner’s strengths. 

Be Patient

Patience is a virtue in every relationship, but it’s especially essential when your partner is an ADHDer. It can be incredibly tempting to get frustrated when you feel like they aren’t listening or when they forget something. 

Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Not only might they feel guilty, but they also might be worried about your relationship. They might be fearful that you’ll leave them or get sick of them. 

Patience is key for both of you. So is communication. Provide reassurance as often as possible, and let your partner know you aren’t going anywhere. The more you openly communicate instead of letting your frustrations get the best of you, the stronger your bond will be. 

Use “I” Statements

Don't play the blame game when you want to address an issue with your partner. If you’re frustrated or upset about something, it can seem like you’re attacking them. That can cause them to become defensive quickly. 

Instead, use “I” statements when you’re trying to talk about a problem in the relationship. Additionally, avoid using generalities. Focus on specific issues. You could say, “I feel unimportant when you change the subject while I’m talking,” instead of “You never listen to me.” “It makes me feel frustrated when I clean up the trash that was left on the counter” instead of “you always leave your empty cans and bottles on the counter.”

Be an Active Listener

Communication is a two-way street. Your partner might sometimes have trouble remembering or paying attention, but they deserve your respect when talking. 

Choose to be an active listener. Give them your full attention. Don’t let yourself get distracted by what you’ll say next while they’re talking. Ask questions about their experiences and make sure you’re understanding what they’re saying. After sharing what you’re feeling, make sure you take the time to listen to what they have to say. 

Ultimately, you might have to learn what works and what doesn’t regarding healthy communication in your relationship. There is no “one-size-fits-all” when it comes to ADHD. Focus on your partner’s strengths and how you can use them to strengthen your communicative bond. The more both of you are willing to put into your communication efforts, the stronger your relationship will be. Reach out to learn more about ADHD assessments and neurodiversity affirming therapy.